HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
