So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
