We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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