Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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