If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
