Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
