these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
