OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
