And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
