I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
