I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
