sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i permit you to call me
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
