there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
