Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
