At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
