Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
