never play flip cup with pint glasses
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
