I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
