found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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