She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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