When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
BRING THE BAGELS
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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