oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
