mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
