Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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