maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Are my feet made of real feet?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
