oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
