never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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