I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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