Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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