Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
