I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
