Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
