My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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