Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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