i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
