My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
