I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
