I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
