I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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