I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
