we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
