I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
