Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
