Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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