sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
