i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
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