...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
