I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
