someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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