You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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