you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
