You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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