i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
