You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
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