Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
